V-Day

When Ryan and I first started dating we kept it simple for Valentine's Day. I think it was originally because we didn't have the finances to live it up nor the patience to wait at a restaurant. As a result we developed our own little traditions. 

We spent our first Valentine's Day watching  Hannibal in a theater and eating cheap pizza. Many of our V-Days afterward were spent watching movies and eating pizza. Some years we'd prepare a nice meal at home because, again, we do not want to spend time in over crowded restaurants. I've always enjoyed sharing time in the kitchen with my love, or better yet getting a break from cooking. 

Valentine's Day is about sharing time with the ones you love. I'm not in favor of "Hallmark" holidays, but then again I do like any excuse for a date. Now that we have an older child, our celebration includes her as well. As we planned what to do this year, we considered a hike, but it's sadly already too hot in Southern California. At least it's too hot to carry a three month old along. The only other option was an afternoon at the beach. My eldest Selah was ecstatic! On the ride out she said, "Thank you Papa, thank you Mama, thank you Zoe for taking me to the beach." That moment blessed my heart and brought tears of joy to my eyes. It's those little moments that remind you that you're doing something right.

Our tradition with children will be to spend Valentine's Day creating family memories. To exchange cards reminding each other why and what we love about one another. And since we schedule time for ourselves on other days, this occasion  will be to remind our girls, that we love them.

Focus on everything that went right

I tried writing Zoe's birth story, but couldn't. I had to look back four years to my first child's birth.

We were nervous first timers. I was well versed and had read up on what to expect and what to avoid. My husband and I watched the movie about birth in the U.S. titled The Business of Being Born and I was convinced that I wouldn't be one of those women that experienced unplanned interventions. Guess what? I was.

12 hours after walking into the hospital I found myself hooked up to monitors, on pitocin, and numbed from an epidural.  This WAS NOT my birth plan. What went wrong!?

I was a first timer, I feared for the wellbeing of my unborn child, and didn't question what the nurses and doctor suggested. In addition I allowed myself to be in a chaotic environment. My husband and I didn't know any better. Even after watching, reading, and planning, we fell into the trap.

19 hours after walking into the hospital I met my baby, but not the way that I expected. Moments after seeing her I was wheeled away into a recovery room. She was born via cesarean.

The feelings of ineptness and anger weren't immediate, but surfaced months later. I felt like I was robbed of a birth that I so desired. I was robbed of a birth that I was so capable of having. I had to come to terms with my traumatic experience. I had to come to terms with my body's ability to birth. Was it me? Was it the doctors? Was it the interventions? I don't know what went wrong. What I do know is that I cannot change the past. What I can do is let go of the disappointment.

The first few weeks after my daughter's birth were all joy. I had given birth to a beautiful baby even if it wasn't the way that I so deeply desired. So many things went right! My husband stayed in the nursery with her while I recovered. She nursed like a champ as soon as I held her in my arms. So many things went right.

I decided to stop looking at what went wrong, and focus on all the things that went incredibly right. At that moment I stopped being the victim of a broken system. How could I feel like a failure when I gave birth to a healthy little girl? I had to focus on everything that went right, and remember that I was not the problem.

I knew that with a new approach we could have a different outcome. We hired a birth doula, found a supportive birth provider, attended Bradley Method birth classes, labored at home, and controlled our birthing environment. Guess what!? It worked. I'll share my VBAC experience in my next post.

Ocean Side Holiday

First I'll point out that this post is pretty late, but I'm a busy girl. Also, I'm a beach lover and despite all the warm weather, not once had I made it out to the beach, at least until now. The decision to cram all possible beach activities in one day was obvious. You should have seen the grin on my face as I realized that this day would be the opportunity that I'd been looking for. Seeing as how I had a day off, no plans, and willing participants, well that's all you need for a fabulous day/night at the beach.

I wasn't kidding when I said my day on the sand would begin at 7, well it was more like 8am, but you get the point. The immediate mission was to locate and claim a spot worthy of our intents. This process is like staking your flag in the sand as though you have discovered this area for the day. Looking around we weren't the only ones taking part in this ritual. Some left a lawn chair or sleeping bag out, while other claimed their area with a simple beach umbrella. The tedious part is hulling all the goods from the car to that designated spot, but it's worth it.

It was a beautiful day accompanied by friends and family. The most eventful part of the day was watching my nephew Xavier fearfully discover the ocean water. This was his first encounter with hot afternoon sand and cold water. It took some convincing, but he finally stopped trying to run away from the tide.

Below are my favorite captures from the day...

Xavier and his Godmother, Veronica

Grandma's lesson

Little Angel

Serene

Despite the cooking and busy bee things that I do, I'm thankful for moments like this. Thank God for beautiful sunsets that are capable taking us to a happy place if only we take the time to notice.
To close out the day we fired up some logs and roasted marshmallows. It was a perfect oceanside holiday.

Groovy Birthday Bash

In celebration of Ryan's 30th birthday I threw him a 60s themed Beatles Sing-A-Long.

We didn't feel that any karaoke CD could possibly be a decent representation of the Beatles music and instead opted for the "real thing." The mic was open all night for those brave enough to sing along to their favorite Beatles tracks.

Even the birthday "boy" said that this was one of his most memorable birthdays, ever! Thank You to ALL for dressing up, singing, and joining us on this special day.

Joys of the Open Road

I love to get bitten by the spontaneity bug because the aftermath is always so much fun. One of my favorite places to drive up to is Big Sur in Northern California. It's about a 5 hr drive, but every minute. Getting there is half the fun when paired up with a great set of friends!

Our first stop was Nepenthe a Greek Cafe that sits atop a cliff. Due to the sporadic rain we were force to dine indoors.

Any road that leads to an ocean view is fine with me :)

This one is just plain silly....

Ian was taking advantage of the quickly rising tide.

Ryan actually got trapped in the water while standing on a single rock! This was the precursor.

I love this candid portrait of Elyse. This is definitely my favorite from the trip.

Thanks Elyse for this lovely picture of Ryan & myself.