From Defeat to Victory

From the very beginning of my second pregnancy there were several obstacles to overcome. Having had a previous cesarean meant that I had to find a supportive prenatal team that agreed to a vaginal birth. In addition, I had developed painful breast cysts which couldn't be aspirated due to size. When your plan is to breastfeed and you have a cyst located directly behind your areola making it oh so painful to nurse, it made me feel defeated! I weaned my first child when I couldn't stand the pain of it. Detailed below is how I (we) changed the course of things and moved from a position of defeat to that of victory. I use the word we because my husband and I are a team and he was my birth partner, coach, and support. Together we share this victory.

  I learned so much about myself through this process. First off, I learned that I am not easily defeated, but really I already knew that. Defeat, would have been for me to not even attempt to have a natural vaginal birth, and to not attempt to breastfeed because of pain. Defeat wasn't an option.
I found out that I was much stronger than I ever imagined. I discovered that I have an incredibly high tolerance for pain. I mean, seriously, this baby kind of just slid out and, I walked back to my bed afterward. To be honest, I expected the pain to be much worse. When I talk about strength, I also mean a mental strength. Like, when I'm in the zone, do not mess with me, cause great things are going to happen. I learned that when you change your path you can change your destination. I was once again reminded of the power of prayer, and the community that comes with it.


   I also learned so much about my family. They were all very supportive. Not everyone knew what a Doula was, but they asked questions, and respected the path that we wanted. Laboring in a calm environment was important for us, but it meant that we had to voice to our family that we preferred that they wait to come to visit until the following morning.  Labor is a mental game. I didn't want to feel like I was putting on a show for a waiting room full of people.


Remaining calm and focused was critical. To keep the stress down we limited the number of bodies in the room with us. Music was also an important part of the plan. I labored at home to Coldplay's Sky Full of Stars, mainly because it was left near the CD player and our iPod was packed for the hospital. It was perfect because it was still new (to me) and now I play it on repeat because it's become very special. At the hospital we played a 4 year old playlist from Selah's birth. "Let's do this Again" was playing the moment that Zoe was born. Yes, a song that my husband wrote and recorded was playing in the background while our baby was born. Also, could that be the a hint? "It was so much fun, you should totally do it again." No, no... I'll ignore that for now.

From a spiritual point of view, we prayed over everything. This is where the community of prayer comes in. Our friends, family, and church kept us in prayer, and prayed for our specific needs. The ladies at my church and my mother-in-law laid hands on me and prayed for healing from the cysts. I held on tightly to the scripture in Isaiah 53:5 which says, "but he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities' the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed." This scriptures refers to both a spiritual and physical healing that we find as believers in Jesus Christ. We claimed victory in Jesus' name and God granted us the desires of our heart.

In the physical, I researched the causes of breast cysts and how to make them go away. I stopped wearing aluminum based antiperspirants which can clog your lymph nodes and began making a natural deodorant. I call it my hippie deodorant. Guess what!? It worked! I am so thankful that I am healed. I am so thankful that the night Zoe was born, I didn't even think twice about nursing her. It was a few days later that I realized that this meant the cysts had shrunk or gone away. God is so awesome! Rather than focus on the bad, I spoke about the situation as if it was already resolved.

I hope that through all this sharing, I can encourage moms and take the fear out of labor. That I can remind families that a couple may not invite you to their birth not because they don't love you, but because they want to work as a unit. I want to remind you ladies about how awesomely perfect our bodies were designed for birthing. Everyone will take their own path when it comes to labor and delivery; and there is no one way to do it. Finding what works for you, and taking the time to prepare for your child's birth can make all the difference. 

One of the best things that we did was take Bradley Method classes. That was where Ryan and I learned techniques that would be useful for pain management. 12 weeks of 2 hour classes is a real sacrifice of your time, but I would recommend these classes to anyone. If you want a natural non-medicated birth, then this is a great place to start.

Hire a doula, make a birth plan... expect the unexpected. Know that God can do great things through you.

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The day that our family of three became a family of four.