Zoe's (detailed) Birth Story

The details of this post are written to Zoe. My intention was for her to read it when she's old enough. Since I took the time to write it, I figured it wouldn't hurt to share. Because it would take too long to rewrite in a different tense, I left it alone.

If you want to jump straight to the action, begin reading at 8pm. Hey, birthing takes time. 

Here it is in its original form with added comentary

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Baby Zoe, (no matter how old your are now, you will ALWAYS be my baby) 

Let me start with a few random facts. You were born on a Friday, which happened to be your Dad's day off. Plus, there was a beautiful full moon in the night sky.

2am
 I woke up for my nightly bathroom visit. As soon as I returned to bed and lied down my water broke. Good thing I was prepared and already had a mat under my side of the bed. I called your Dad to let him know what had happened and that tomorrow we would get to meet you. His shift ended at 3 am and we agreed that he should stay until then. I remember telling him that he should go to bed right away because we would need our rest. He did.

8am
The following morning your sister Selah woke me up and asked that I make pancakes for breakfast. Thinking that this might be the last time that I would cook breakfast for a while, I decided to fulfill her request. While I cooked the meal my contractions were progressing, but still well spaced at about every 6-8 minutes. I had to take small breaks during contractions that morning. I rested on the counter as they passed and not a single pancake was burned. Part of our birth plan was to continue our usual routine for as long as we could. That would be what I needed to keep my mind off of laboring so that things could progress naturally.

10:30am
Your Papá had an opportunity to sleep in so that he could be rested and ready to assist in the labor and delivery. I took a nap as soon as he woke up. That may sound strange, except that napping is a way that I manage pain. It was very natural to sleep through it.

1 pm
After my nap, we ate pepperoni pizza. I concluded that I needed a good dose of carbs in preparation of a marathon of a birth. I took another short nap after lunch.

3pm
It was a bit after lunch that the contractions got more intense and I needed to focus. At that point deep breathing through each contraction wasn't enough. We made our way to the loft and got the big workout ball ready. From this time until 6pm when we left for the hospital I labored mostly on the workout ball. It was very comfortable. Contractions progressed until they were 3 minutes apart.

We created a dim and calm environment by turning down the lights and playing Coldplay - Ghost Stories. Every once in a while Selah would turn off the music and play tunes on a toy piano. On other occasions she would turn on the lights. I was able to maintain focus and was amused by her contribution. Your Dad was not equally entertained. I remember a few special details during this time. Papà would rub my back during contractions. One time I was on my knees and leaning over the sofa and I could feel your Dad and Selah rubbing my back. I also felt something on my tummy, it turns out Jilly our dog was cuddling with me as well.

5pm
Our Doula Renae arrives to assess the situation. She monitored your heartbeat and stepped in while your Dad loaded the car and got Selah ready to leave for the hospital. We'd been in communication with her since 2am, but didn't call her in until then.

6pm
We make our way to the hospital. It's a 45 minute drive in Friday evening traffic. A big pillow on my back helps make the ride more manageable.

6:45
We arrive at the hospital and make our way over to labor and delivery.  This was the longest short walk ever! It felt like we had to stop every few feet. Your Tia Vero was already at the hospital waiting for us. She took Selah to eat dinner while I got checked in.

7:30pm
We arrived to the hospital during a shift change which meant that it took awhile to get us into a room and have a nurse see me. Finally a nurse checks my cervix and I'm only 4cm dilated! I'm thinking, really!? That's all? 15 hours and 4cm?

8pm
We send your Tia home with Selah because we figure it's going to be a long time until you arrive. Even though we planned on having your sister at the birth we didn't want for her to get cranky and it was already late.

I'm finally hooked up to an IV! It took 2 nurses and a total of 4 tries but I'm finally placed on antibiotics. I was Strep B positive so the plan was to be on at least 4 hours before the birth. 

8:45pm
Our nurse finally completes the admission process. I'm now unhooked from the contraction and baby heartbeat monitors. I can get out of bed, and I do. I lean over the side of the bed and sway my hips.

9pm
Boy were we wrong in sending your sister home! I asked our Doula to call the nurse because I felt like I needed to push. She and you're Dad agreed that it was too soon and maybe I just had to go to the bathroom. Your Dad walks me to the bathroom, while our Doula goes to find the nurse.

9:08pm
As soon as I squatted to try and sit down I knew that it was time. I looked down, and there was your little head. Your Dad pushed the call button in the bathroom and we both prepared to catch you. Yes, WE caught you! You made your entrance into this world in a hospital bathroom, delivered by your Mom, Dad and Renae our doula. Yup it took a whole lot of hands to catch you.

I'll never forget that moment. It was exhilarating! You were here and you arrived by your own terms. I placed you on my chest and walked back to the room and returned to my bed. The nurses and midwife were still rushing in and watched me walk across the room with a stunned look on their faces. They missed all the action. The Midwife on duty said, "at least I get to deliver the placenta."

We had a wonderful, calm, joyful hour of family time. You got right to nursing!

11:30 pm

When we were finally moved into our room for the night we had trouble getting to sleep right away. We were on a birthing high. We slept after watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. You nursed and cuddled all night. 

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I am so very thankful for this beautiful birth experience. I used the term we several time because really, it's a family experience and we (my husband and I) have this shared experience. Praise God!! I am blessed beyond measure. All of my pregnancy prayers were answered. More on that in the next post.

Focus on everything that went right

I tried writing Zoe's birth story, but couldn't. I had to look back four years to my first child's birth.

We were nervous first timers. I was well versed and had read up on what to expect and what to avoid. My husband and I watched the movie about birth in the U.S. titled The Business of Being Born and I was convinced that I wouldn't be one of those women that experienced unplanned interventions. Guess what? I was.

12 hours after walking into the hospital I found myself hooked up to monitors, on pitocin, and numbed from an epidural.  This WAS NOT my birth plan. What went wrong!?

I was a first timer, I feared for the wellbeing of my unborn child, and didn't question what the nurses and doctor suggested. In addition I allowed myself to be in a chaotic environment. My husband and I didn't know any better. Even after watching, reading, and planning, we fell into the trap.

19 hours after walking into the hospital I met my baby, but not the way that I expected. Moments after seeing her I was wheeled away into a recovery room. She was born via cesarean.

The feelings of ineptness and anger weren't immediate, but surfaced months later. I felt like I was robbed of a birth that I so desired. I was robbed of a birth that I was so capable of having. I had to come to terms with my traumatic experience. I had to come to terms with my body's ability to birth. Was it me? Was it the doctors? Was it the interventions? I don't know what went wrong. What I do know is that I cannot change the past. What I can do is let go of the disappointment.

The first few weeks after my daughter's birth were all joy. I had given birth to a beautiful baby even if it wasn't the way that I so deeply desired. So many things went right! My husband stayed in the nursery with her while I recovered. She nursed like a champ as soon as I held her in my arms. So many things went right.

I decided to stop looking at what went wrong, and focus on all the things that went incredibly right. At that moment I stopped being the victim of a broken system. How could I feel like a failure when I gave birth to a healthy little girl? I had to focus on everything that went right, and remember that I was not the problem.

I knew that with a new approach we could have a different outcome. We hired a birth doula, found a supportive birth provider, attended Bradley Method birth classes, labored at home, and controlled our birthing environment. Guess what!? It worked. I'll share my VBAC experience in my next post.